Sometimes finding yourself takes reminding yourself of the negativity that you need to let go of. Lately I've felt overly conflicted about letting go of certain memories and people. I am a person that feels deeply about everything. I've always considered it to be one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses. Last night, I was faced with a moment of weakness where I was unprepared to visit a topic that would either shatter or mend my heart....I'll let you guess what route the conversation took.
As I sat there, tears filled my eyes, my heart began to ache, and I began to question everything running through my head. I began to pray for help; I needed to feel that what was happening at that point in time, was truly meant to be. As I fell asleep, I second guessed my journey. I second guessed almost every major decision that I had made over the course of the past 6 months. I second guessed myself, and I shouldn't have.
This morning I woke up still slightly broken. My eyes still sting from last nights tears, and my heart still aches from the reality that I am to face in the months to come, but I'll be ok. Though I don't understand everything that is happening in my life, and I don't agree with the conflict that I feel in my heart, I have to believe that I'm going through this for a reason. I have to believe that I am meant for greater things; for that defining moment that makes me realize that my heart was meant to break so many times because at some point, some day... it'd all make sense.
I'll never regret going through any situation. I know that every good and horrific event that I have experienced was meant to shape the woman that I am; but I am human, and sometimes I wish it didn't hurt so damn much.
Today I choose to let go. I choose to hold on to the memories that fill me with warmth, but release the feelings and negativity that disrupts my life. I deserve to be at peace... but its going to be a long road to find that contentment, to let go of the memories that pain me, and wake up everyday knowing that I am on the right path...
Here is to letting go, and finding myself.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Monday, July 27, 2015
what side of the dirt will you choose to be on?
Its funny how you can step away from something for so long and one day, the desire to go back to it flips like a switch. With me, that is how my love for writing goes. I used to only write about the moments that I felt sadness... It was my outlet. Then one day, I decided that I didn't want to be that person who only told their sob stories.. I want to write about the things that made my heart patter... the things that made me feel alive; that is where this blog came from.
It didn't take long for that desire to fade. Things quickly change, and life gets busy. I became too busy to pour my heart onto sheets of paper, and in that time of chaos, I lost sight of the person that I was striving to become.. even though I still don't know who that person is.
Over the past year, I have been on a journey; a journey to not just find myself, but to truly look deep within myself to feel what makes me happy. Each day is a new feeling. Each day is something different. Some days I wake up missing the person that used to warm the other side of the bed; other days I wake up grateful for my independence. I think a piece of me will always miss that; I will always long for the bond that I shared with that person. However, no one can say for sure what the future holds.
Today I woke up grateful to be alive. I woke up thinking about a saying that was shared with me recently, "any day on this side of the dirt, is a good day". I've loved that since I heard it because it brings to light the simplicity of its meaning. Sometimes we get so caught up in the chaos going on around us, that we forget how lucky we are to be in the midst of this chaos.
I've learned to be grateful for my struggles, because I'm alive and able to make mistakes and learn from them. I'm here on this earth, in this life, to learn all that I can, and to shed light and love into the live's of others. I"m not perfect, I've never expected to be. I've always just wanted to be happy and loved; and I've learned that I am blessed to feel both so deeply.
Today is a good day, tomorrow will be what I make it.
It didn't take long for that desire to fade. Things quickly change, and life gets busy. I became too busy to pour my heart onto sheets of paper, and in that time of chaos, I lost sight of the person that I was striving to become.. even though I still don't know who that person is.
Over the past year, I have been on a journey; a journey to not just find myself, but to truly look deep within myself to feel what makes me happy. Each day is a new feeling. Each day is something different. Some days I wake up missing the person that used to warm the other side of the bed; other days I wake up grateful for my independence. I think a piece of me will always miss that; I will always long for the bond that I shared with that person. However, no one can say for sure what the future holds.
Today I woke up grateful to be alive. I woke up thinking about a saying that was shared with me recently, "any day on this side of the dirt, is a good day". I've loved that since I heard it because it brings to light the simplicity of its meaning. Sometimes we get so caught up in the chaos going on around us, that we forget how lucky we are to be in the midst of this chaos.
I've learned to be grateful for my struggles, because I'm alive and able to make mistakes and learn from them. I'm here on this earth, in this life, to learn all that I can, and to shed light and love into the live's of others. I"m not perfect, I've never expected to be. I've always just wanted to be happy and loved; and I've learned that I am blessed to feel both so deeply.
Today is a good day, tomorrow will be what I make it.
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