The sting of reality

Sometimes finding yourself takes reminding yourself of the negativity that you need to let go of. Lately I've felt overly conflicted about letting go of certain memories and people. I am a person that feels deeply about everything. I've always considered it to be one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses. Last night, I was faced with a moment of weakness where I was unprepared to visit a topic that would either shatter or mend my heart....I'll let you guess what route the conversation took.

As I sat there, tears filled my eyes, my heart began to ache, and I began to question everything running through my head. I began to pray for help; I needed to feel that what was happening at that point in time, was truly meant to be. As I fell asleep, I second guessed my journey. I second guessed almost every major decision that I had made over the course of the past 6 months. I second guessed myself, and I shouldn't have.

This morning I woke up still slightly broken. My eyes still sting from last nights tears, and my heart still aches from the reality that I am to face in the months to come, but I'll be ok. Though I don't understand everything that is happening in my life, and I don't agree with the conflict that I feel in my heart, I have to believe that I'm going through this for a reason. I have to believe that I am meant for greater things; for that defining moment that makes me realize that my heart was meant to break so many times because at some point, some day... it'd all make sense.

I'll never regret going through any situation. I know that every good and horrific event that I have experienced was meant to shape the woman that I am; but I am human, and sometimes I wish it didn't hurt so damn much.

Today I choose to let go. I choose to hold on to the memories that fill me with warmth, but release the feelings and negativity that disrupts my life. I deserve to be at peace... but its going to be a long road to find that contentment, to let go of the memories that pain me, and wake up everyday knowing that I am on the right path...

Here is to letting go, and finding myself.